The most valuable lesson I have learned is that the most meaningful journey is the inner journey.

Why We Fuss and Fret

Sub- Exploring our health, competence, moods, meaningful relationships and life goals

Jean Edelman: Great to be with you this week. This week, I want to ask the question, why do we fuss at each other? I actually had started my own self-study when a friend brought the subject up. He was curious why people, when they were on vacation in a beautiful setting, why were they fussing at each other?

Here are a few reasons that I’ve come up with, something to think about. Number one is maybe we don’t feel well. When we don’t feel well, we feel helpless and out of control. This is prime time to fuss at those around us. But what we can do is listen to our body. We can be preventative with our health. Pay attention to the symptoms, because our body is always talking to us. And so when we don’t feel well, we need to be able to communicate that to others and our family and those around us. Because you know what? They can help.

The second thought I had was maybe we made a decision that did not work out and we’re mad at ourselves. And we’re taking it out on our partner or others. I have done this many times. When do we do something? We know it’s not right. We made the mistake. We’re trying to fix it. And we’re just fussing at others because we’re really just mad and upset with ourselves. So we just need to pay attention. Because everyone around us, if we just talk to them about what we did, I’ll bet they could help us come up with a solution.

The third thought of why we fuss with each other is there’s fear. Maybe there’s fear of aging. There’s fear of our health. There’s fear of change. Whatever the fear is, it can creep in slowly. We all live with fears. But as the years move on and our health changes, these thoughts, they sit with us. And anything can be the trigger to make us lash out. So we need to be in check, in check with ourselves. What is triggering this reaction?

The fourth thought is grief and loss. We have all experienced grief. We have all had loss. Maybe we’re grieving the loss of our youth. Maybe we’re grieving the loss of a loved one. Maybe we’re grieving the loss and the changes in our life. But we need to manage this differently. We need to keep it in check. And when we are about to lash, let’s see what it is truly that we are feeling.
Now, a thought that we probably think all the time is our partner’s not paying attention. They don’t hear us. They don’t listen. Well, maybe this is a sign. Maybe they have had some hearing loss. Maybe there is a real problem. They’re not ignoring us. I hope they’re not. Yes, that all feels the same. So, maybe if our partner or someone close to us is not hearing us well, maybe we could make a suggestion to go get a checkup.

The last thought is, our partner is not providing the information in the format that works for us. So, here’s a great example for me. I love my husband. But his response when I ask a question is, I took care of it or I’ll take care of it. And I love him to death, but I’m very OCD and I’m very all about the details and I need more information. So I know that you want to just say, I took care of it and that’s it. But for some of us on this planet, we need a little bit more information.

So please indulge us. So when we’re about to fuss at somebody, let’s think about how are we feeling? Did we make a bad decision? Do we have fear? Is there some grief involved in there? Is there something that we need to have looked at for our partner? And do we just need some more information? This is a wonderful self-study. Stop and pay attention. I pay a lot more attention now. I pay a lot more attention to myself and I do pay attention to others to see what they’re fussing about and I listen in.

So it’s really curious. We really need to understand what’s going on. So I’ll share just one of my silly stories is I ordered something. It went to the wrong address. I sat there beating myself up trying to fix the situation. I made the mistake. I was mad at myself, but you know what, and I did get upset with Ric, but he helped me. He ended up helping me. So we need to get the help from others and say, hey, this is what I did. This was really stupid, but I need some help getting it fixed. And you know what? Everyone loves to be helpful. They will get involved. Two heads are better than one when we have problems and situations.

So, my action item of the week is, Stop. Check in. What’s really, really going on? Can we verbalize our struggle? Can others help us? Can we get more perspective that would help us see the bigger picture?

So my word of the week is Fuss.

The F is for Feelings. We all have them. We need to examine ourselves and the words that are being spit out of our mouths when we are fussy. Because you know what, we’re not going to feel any better if we hurt someone’s feelings. So we need to be checked in with our feelings before we lash out.

The U is for Understanding. Being able to explain our feelings and our emotions. This enables others to understand what we’re going through. It doesn’t make it right to cast blame or make others around us miserable. Self-awareness and talking always helps.

The first S is for Safe. Because when we’re sharing our feelings and emotions, we need to feel safe and heard. And the people closest to us need to be able to see that we’re struggling, we’re suffering, we’re hurting, there is something going on. And they need to not take it personally and help us verbalize what it is that’s happening.

The other S is for Serenity because being perfectly calm with no worries is actually a goal. And it is possible if we constantly check in with ourselves. If we can be sincere with ourselves, honest, true, and real, we can create a more balanced day. We won’t beat up on ourselves when we make our silly mistakes. We can see ourselves just as the humans that we are and we can love and learn from all of our daily mistakes. Let’s just make the mistakes, let’s learn, and let’s move on.

Have a great week everyone.

Go to Top